Fluttering

Thank You, God

This was the fifth message in a series of five entitled, “Five Prayers that Will Change Your Life”. Rev. Richard Rogers, the minister at Unity of Phoenix Spiritual Center. He spoke of the power of prayer to center and ground you, right where you are, no matter what is going on in your life. Prayer expands peace and calmness within us. Prayer fills us with the Divine.

The fifth prayer of the five is “Thank you, God”. He challenged us for a solid week to thank God for everything in life. Everything. The good – when everything is going your way, the unremarkable that we skim over in everyday life and the challenges, disappointments, and fears that beat us down, leaving us feeling defeated and broken.

He encouraged us to count our blessings, teaching that the more we focus on the good the more good expands in our life. Gratitude creates greater good. A grateful person attracts the highest level of good because our faith is being stimulated by our own gratitude.

I remember smugly thinking, “I got this, I’m grateful, I’m grounded in the present moment, I have an active prayer and meditation life.” He pressed on about being grateful for things that don’t look good in life. Smugly, I remember thinking, “Yea, I know all about that one, remember when I was bumped from an account, unfairly in my mind, and it eventually lead to me becoming a regional VP of a Fortune 500 company. Yes, I have experienced what appears to be bad news, yet in the long run it is a blessing.” Rev. Rogers stressed how the tough times show us we are greater than the tough times. Little did I know how soon I would be tested.

My husband and I decided to get out of the heat and go up north camping at our favorite camp ground. The air was cool and the camp ground quite, children back in school. Cell phone reception is spotty there and time seems to slow down. It invites reading, hiking, shaking up the routine. I always feel great peace and calm there.

There’s a spot we enjoy, high on a bluff, over looking a beautiful lake surrounded by pine tress. We decided to meditate there. We were about five minutes into our meditation when another couple decides to picnic near by. We forgo the meditation and turn on a playlist, which was on shuffle. Pretty soon a butterfly is circles us and lands on my right breast. I whisper to Dennis, “Hey, look over here!” At the same time I notice the song that is playing is Heaven by Inka Gold. Soon it flits off and I’m thinking what are the chances of a butterfly landing on my breast? This is a sign, it’s got to be a sign. What does it mean?

Eleven days prior to that I had a biopsy and had yet to get the results of it. The biopsy was on the left breast, the butterfly landed on my right breast. I concluded that it meant, I was going to be all right.

Back at the camp site, my cell phone rings, this is unusual because cell phone reception is so poor there. It was the doctor with the results of my biopsy. He said he usually doesn’t give results over the phone but since it took so long for the results he felt it was important to contact me. The biopsy was cancerous. These are four words you never want to hear.

I guess we all think it happens to someone else – not us. I had been affirming “I declare I am healthy in mind, body and spirit,” multiple time a day, since the biopsy. I had listened to many well being and health and healing meditations. I was certain it would come back benign. When people asked about the biopsy, my comment was, “no news is good news.” Yet in the back of my mind, I recalled my grand mother died of breast cancer at age 50. Then I bounced to hopefulness, my mother did not have it. I tried to stay busy so I would think about it. I’m good at staying busy.

That night, when I couldn’t sleep, I decided to count my blessings;

~Away from the light pollution we were bathed in the brilliance of thousands of twinkling stars. Dazzled by a shooting star we stand breathless like little children. Sometimes waking each other up in the middle of the night so we could go out and see the radiant show. Like a wink from our Creator, saying don’t worry, I got you. Breathless and speechless from their beauty.
~Hearing the intoxicating sound of the wind through the pine trees is so peaceful. Watching the trees bend and sway to the invisible force.
~Studying the clouds they drift by, fully in the present moment.
~The unplanned beauty of the wild flowers, dotting randomly, with their variety and color rich,contrasting with the green of the pine trees.
~ The brisk cool refreshing temperatures, such a relief from the Phoenix oven in August.
~Being outside and unplugged makes me happier. No devices to distract so connection, the human kind is easy. Enjoying each other’s company walking, playing games or just reading and listening to music.
~Listening the the rain on the tent, as we are cozy, dry and warm inside.
~Smiling and saying hello to strangers.
~Laughter rolling through my body as Dennis dives into the air mattress only to find it has sprung a leak as he sinks to the bottom and is engulfed by the mattress on both sides. He looks like a human hot dog.

When you have heard the four words you never want to hear, you tend to wake in the middle of the night. I count all the women I know that have had cancer. I’m now up to 27 women who not only have survived but are thriving, with only two who died from it.

Then I think back to the assignment, for one week to say – Thank you, God for everything. I say the words and know deep in this experience I will find many gifts and blessings. I don’t yet know what the gifts are, but I will be alert to them. I’ll be careful to count them, savor them. I do know our bodies are magnificent creations that have self healing power. I am blessed to have a community of loving friends that will pray with me. I believe in the power of prayer and as a chaplain for a decade I have witnesses miracle in so many lives.

I have joined the cancer club, one I never wanted to belong to. Now I have set a goal to advance to the survivor club. Thank you, God.

Everyday since then I have seen butterflies, sometimes just one, but more often several.

I’ve had two surgeries and start radiation this week.

Yesterday my roommate from college, 49 years ago came to visit me and brought me a gift. She said, “Please, unwrap it, forgive the Christmas wrapping paper.” It was a commissioned original painting of a butterfly. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how meaningful this gift is. She said, “Art is personal and I didn’t know if it would go with your decor or if you were inundated with butterflies at this point.” I can’t remember such a touching gift in a long time. It’s beautiful, cheerful, life affirming, rich in detail, yet light and uplifting. It makes my heart smile. She commissioned her nephew to create it. I thought how this gift touched so many people. Her nephew was honored to be asked to create it and everyone who comes to my home will enjoy it’s beauty and after I’m gone someone else will enjoy it. I plan to write the story behind it and secure it to the back of the painting.

Then I read the email from you on the fluttering of butterflies and knew once again, it was a sign. 77 days after receiving my butterfly sign and the diagnosis and every day in between, I have been given a sign. Thank you, God.

Thank you, Suzanne for sharing the love and wisdom from across the veil. Thank you, Sanaya for loving us and giving us guidance.