Defensiveness. When you find yourself wanting to explain your words or actions, pause for a moment. What is your motive? Will your explanation help the other or merely improve the way you are perceived? Will the other be open to what you have to say? Jump ahead as if you have defended your words or actions. Do you feel better? Most likely. Does the other? Perhaps not, unless you have imbued your defense with love and true concern for the other, not just the self. This can be done, but it takes care. Be care-ful when you feel defensiveness taking over, for it can have a mind of its own. Perhaps you can send love instead of words. The effect can be the same, if not greater.